The people who make sharing a house harder than it needs to be
Original cast portraits and bios restored from the cOnDoLiFe archive.
Dr Farty
Experimental energy, dubious science, and a worrying confidence level.
Voted at school to be the man most likely to be short, Dr. F. has consistently maintained his position at a point generally around most people's navels.
He is struggling to come to terms with living in North America, battling daily assaults on his British sensibilities such as firm handshakes, overtly friendly service in restaurants, cold beer and a disturbing lack of the letters "u" in color and "a" in paleontology.
In line with his upbringing on the sceptered Isle, Dr. F suffers from acute embarrassment and an aversion to demonstrating any emotion beyond the range of "fine, thank you" and "yes that was very pleasant".
Dr. F. is employed as a paleontologist, a job he enjoys as many of the specimens remind him of his colleagues back home. When not at work or being befuddled by the mysteries of cable TV and fast food, Dr. F. is a keen amateur wrestler - keen but pretty inept.
Key phraseummm, ermm I don't know... err what do you think?
Eva
House-share sanity checker, until the situation makes sanity a poor strategic choice.
Eva is a firm believer in the equality of all beings. That all should be able to improve themselves unshackled by the chains of oppression and bias, unless you fail to see the wisdom of her point of view in which case "I'm sending in the panzas".
Eva describes both Hitler and Stalin as "wishy washy liberals", and feels castration is the grand unifying social program that would effectively end all the planet's major problems.
Key phraseI think Lucretcia Borgia was just misunderstood.
Enigmatic, dynamic, sleek. These are all terms that have never been used to describe Groinster. Fat slob, aromatic and unpleasantly moist however have all been used on a number of occasions.
A graduate of the school of hard knocks and the university of sleeping under a pile of beer cans, Groinster is taking a bachelors degree course in social benefits programs. So far the field course portion of his degree has lasted 15 years.
A great champion of women's rights, Groinster doesn't believe that anything should stand between a woman and her ability to make him a sandwich.
Key phraseBeer makes a breakfast healthy, it dissolves the fat
Chuck
A regular participant in irregular situations.
I waited rather a long time for this role, so forgive any enthusiasm. One learns that kingship resembles gardening: constant pruning, unpredictable weather, and everyone blaming you for the weeds.
Still, after decades of preparation, I'm relieved to discover there was no instruction manual to misplace.
Key phraseOne advantage of growing older is that people finally stop asking what you'll do when you grow up.
The Tall Guy
Tall enough to be noticed, rarely tall enough to avoid the problem.
Tall.
Very tall.
Very, very tall.
Key phrase..........
That Bald Kid
Unmissable, usually nearby, and somehow already implicated.
Not a great deal is known about That Bald Kid. Aside from the mind control powers, ability to transmute people into inanimate objects or vegetables, visit distant galaxies and communicate with his mother telepathically, he appears to be a pretty regular guy, except for that vacuum cleaner thing.
Born at around the time of the big bang, the bald kid describes the formation of our own solar system as "a little too showy" and was severely critical about the price of concessions.
Key phraseSo Nixon my old enemy ... you too have designs on this puny race.
Mrs MacCartney
A force of domestic weather, tenant pressure, and comic timing.
Two hip replacements, a tight knot of silver hair and control of a multinational conglomerate based on child labour and the sale of chemical weapons, Mrs. Mac is just your regular lovable Senior Citizen next door.
Convinced that the mail service is a front for a government based body snatching plot, Mrs. Mac has faced several convictions for abusive language, criminal damage and the release of genetically altered Dobermans in a local postal sub office.
Her favorite pastimes include making "dirty money" and checking off her contemporaries in the obituaries listings.
Key phraseYou're dead, I'm not ... you're dead and I'm not....
Hislop
A name with presence and a habit of turning up in the archive.
Hislop, one of the neighborhood kids. An extremely intelligent and capable young man whose ambition is to work as a munitions expert in a bomb diffusion operation, a career which is beset with problems given that he is colour blind.
Key phraseHummmm, now do I cut this green wire or the other green wire?
Tyrone
One of the familiar cOnDoLiFe orbiters, currently awaiting a fuller restored bio.
Hislop's best friend and confidant. A boy of few words, well no one has heard him speak yet. Hobbies include staring at patterned wall paper till he falls over and staring at people till they feel uncomfortable.
